For the past few days I have been trying to find the right way to sum up my experience in Georgia at boot camp. It truly was not like anything else I have ever experienced. I have never felt so welcomed, understood, worthy, and loved by a group of people and a place than when I stepped into this new beginning. JOY was found everywhere I looked because the imitation of Jesus was the common goal.

The pure Joy came from intentional community, anticipation of meeting good friends, dancing in the rain, allowing the Lord to be my strength, reverent worship, the insane presence of the holy spirit, a feeling of worthiness, and glimpses of Jesus's heart through my new family. However amidst these joys, there also were challenges: like a push on comfortability, bucket showers lol, comparison, fear of measuring up, and deep conviction. 

I want to share the most heavy hitting challenge I experienced that week which was the realization that I still had so much left to surrender in my own life. I had said YES to 9 months of missions, but I was still saying NO to DAILY releasing my need for control, expectations of others, and self desires to the ground and PICKING UP HIS CROSS. 

The last night when the speaker Dion challenged us to evaluate our hearts, and come face to face with the reality that each and everyone of us had a price point we were willing to give up our faith for, I was overwhelmed by the amount of expectations and priorities I had let creep their way into my heart above Jesus. I was angry at myself that my trust in the Lord and devotion to Him was so easily shaken. I was fearful that if I couldn't drop my self desires to imitate his Love at home, how could I on the mission field? I began to think of all the ways I had glorified myself above HIS mission and had failed to be fearless in His name, along with the missed opportunities to share His abundance. BUT despite my lack of faith, He still has faith in me. He still wants me, and I am STILL worthy of HIS LOVE. Yes I have fallen short, but not short of his never changing sufficiency. OH THE JOY and excitement which overflows from Jesus’s sacrifice. This weekend not only helped me understand His heart and mission in depth, but truly HYPED me up to come alongside Him in it.

The command of Luke 9:23 was always something I read briefly, but after boot camp I can not get it out of my head. It says: “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” 

In anticipation of the race I had made a proposition that I would start living for Christ when I left in september. I told myself that I would pick up my cross then, love unconditionally then, share the gospel in every chance possible THEN. BUT oh was I wrong, the time is now. Romans 13:11.  

Lord, I pray that you would help me pick up my cross in every moment, I pray I would be UNASHAMED of the gospel, I pray in every encounter with others I would seek reconciliation, and in the war in my mind I would hold my thoughts captive to your holiness. Lord, I am so quick to let your sacrifice fall to the ground in order to elevate my own pride. Help me to pick up my cross daily, count everything else as loss, and follow you. Amen.

in christ alone, 

Emily