JESUS is sufficient

Hi Friends! 

First of all I want to say a HUGE thank you to those who have supported me so far, I pray this email gives you encouragement and excitement!! The support in only a short month has been so incredible! So far I have raised around $8000 !! I can not believe I am almost halfway there! The generosity has been beyond encouraging and I can’t express how grateful I am to have those I love invest in my future and God’s kingdom at the same time! Whether its prayers, spiritual, or financial support every initiative so far has meant the world to me … so again THANK YOU!

But, I do want to be as vulnerable as I can. In the 4 weeks that I have made my plans public, I have been wrestling with fears of inadequacy, provision, and trust. 

I want to be honest in all the blogs because I know I could put a mask on and pretend everything is perfect and going well for the next 9 months, but I would be lying to myself and to those supporting me. If you have lived life, you know that brokenness always finds a way to creep into what is designed to be beautiful. I want to decide now to not shy away from what I am feeling, the good and the bad. In order to grow, I NEED to press into my fears, doubts, and stop dwelling in suffering. I need to continuously learn how to seek the kingdom within the brokenness.

so…Through these past few weeks and feelings of inadequacy to GO, I want to share a few things which I have been learning: 

1.) Jesus reminds us He IS sufficient when we yield our insufficiency to Him.

2.) JESUS is bigger than the box we have put Him in. 

These two go hand in hand and honestly I feel like every season I need to re-learn these truths… but recently the feelings of inadequacy in the comfortable have diminished my confidence to be equipped for the next unpredictable nine months. 

If you know me, you know I like to have as much control as I can, and self-Sufficiency is one of my strongest weaknesses. When life is predictable it is so easy for me to be happy and excited. But when the days begin to get chaotic, the months ahead have uncertainty, and I feel areas of my life slipping out of my control I tend to retreat. I tend to become burdened, stressed out, and caught in the lies of loneliness. I like to call this my SELF DESTRUCTION mode. 

Every time I slip into these patterns of self-sufficiency I always wonder why it’s so hard for me to just TRUST Jesus and his ability to be enough when I AM NOT. But what I have been learning lately is Jesus never asked us to be self sufficient, he asked us to be vessels for his glory and allow him to use our lives as testimonies of his grace and SO much peace can come from that.

I was reading John 6 the other day and was encouraged by the story of Jesus feeding the 5000. This story so beautifully emphasizes the call on our lives to spread the gospel and carry one another’s burdens, but also to be reminded that we do this through Jesus’ strength, not our own.  The disciples did not have the financial, mental, or physical capability to provide food for the crowd, and literally had no options. But in that lack of strength, Jesus met them with his adequacy and provision. Through admitting they were incapable, Jesus reminded them to depend on His sovereignty and trust that he WAS capable. 

but The thing that hits me most is when Jesus tests his disciples Faith in Him to provide. Standing before them was a group of 5000 who were tired, hungry, and in need. In John 6:5-6 Jesus says to Phillip “Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?” 6 He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do Philip answered him, “It would take more than half a year’s wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!”  

SO many times I think like Phillip. I try to predict what God will do based off of my own understanding and small mind. I try to keep him in the box I created where there is no room for unpredictability, because unpredictability can be uncomfortable. But Jesus never told us following him was comfortable. Despite Phillip’s doubt, Jesus asks him to believe in his sufficiency and trust that He already had a plan to provide. To trust He would provide for the 5000 in a way that not only would display God’s glory and abundant provision, but in a way that his disciples could not fathom. 

I’m so thankful that my perception of Jesus is so much smaller than who He is, and that HE daily reminds me: all I know is nothing close to all HE IS. I think to trust in Jesus is when our simple minds understand the greatest mind is FOR US.

I pray now and for the next 9 months in experiences foreign to what I know that Jesus will help me look beyond my little world and remember he created it. How can I say my hard seasons won’t testify his glory when I don’t know the next day’s trajectory? How can I say He won’t provide, when He already has a plan? How can I say I would rather depend on the comfortable when through the uncomfortable He refines us?

Lord increase my faith. Increase my trust in tomorrow. Increase my trust in your ability to renew beauty from the ashes.

In christ alone, Emily!