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pick up your cross

For the past few days I have been trying to find the right way to sum up my experience in Georgia at boot camp. It truly was not like anything else I have ever experienced. I have never felt so welcomed, understood, worthy, and loved by a group of people and a place than when I stepped into this new beginning. JOY was found everywhere I looked because the imitation of Jesus was the common goal.

The pure Joy came from intentional community, anticipation of meeting good friends, dancing in the rain, allowing the Lord to be my strength, reverent worship, the insane presence of the holy spirit, a feeling of worthiness, and glimpses of Jesus’s heart through my new family. However amidst these joys, there also were challenges: like a push on comfortability, bucket showers lol, comparison, fear of measuring up, and deep conviction. 

I want to share the most heavy hitting challenge I experienced that week which was the realization that I still had so much left to surrender in my own life. I had said YES to 9 months of missions, but I was still saying NO to DAILY releasing my need for control, expectations of others, and self desires to the ground and PICKING UP HIS CROSS. 

The last night when the speaker Dion challenged us to evaluate our hearts, and come face to face with the reality that each and everyone of us had a price point we were willing to give up our faith for, I was overwhelmed by the amount of expectations and priorities I had let creep their way into my heart above Jesus. I was angry at myself that my trust in the Lord and devotion to Him was so easily shaken. I was fearful that if I couldn’t drop my self desires to imitate his Love at home, how could I on the mission field? I began to think of all the ways I had glorified myself above HIS mission and had failed to be fearless in His name, along with the missed opportunities to share His abundance. BUT despite my lack of faith, He still has faith in me. He still wants me, and I am STILL worthy of HIS LOVE. Yes I have fallen short, but not short of his never changing sufficiency. OH THE JOY and excitement which overflows from Jesus’s sacrifice. This weekend not only helped me understand His heart and mission in depth, but truly HYPED me up to come alongside Him in it.

The command of Luke 9:23 was always something I read briefly, but after boot camp I can not get it out of my head. It says: “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” 

In anticipation of the race I had made a proposition that I would start living for Christ when I left in september. I told myself that I would pick up my cross then, love unconditionally then, share the gospel in every chance possible THEN. BUT oh was I wrong, the time is now. Romans 13:11.  

Lord, I pray that you would help me pick up my cross in every moment, I pray I would be UNASHAMED of the gospel, I pray in every encounter with others I would seek reconciliation, and in the war in my mind I would hold my thoughts captive to your holiness. Lord, I am so quick to let your sacrifice fall to the ground in order to elevate my own pride. Help me to pick up my cross daily, count everything else as loss, and follow you. Amen.

in christ alone, 

Emily

 

10 Comments

  1. So good!! Can’t wait for September to see how He’s moved from now to then!

  2. Now that is inspiring!! Challenging me right here, right now. Looking forward to meeting you in September and watching as the Lord continues to reveal the you He created you to be as you continue on this journey.

  3. emily!!!! love you and your heart so much, cannot wait to see you in two months!!!!

  4. Wooooooof. This reminds me of Matthew 8:21 which is labeled in Scripture as “The Cost of Following Jesus.” One of the disciples asked if he could first go back and bury his father before following, which is good and loving and necessary, but also took – in those days – about one and a half years to do well (you might have to fact check me on the exact timing, but it was a LONG TIME). Jesus essentially replied with, “Follow me, and leave the dead to bury their own dead.” In other words – I want you to follow me NOW. Not later. Not after you do whatever it is that YOU want to do. Not whenever it somehow makes sense according to YOUR timeline. But NOW (these caps would all be in italics if possible – doesn’t come across as harsh that way :)). The time is now. Thanks for taking the time to write this.. it’s a good reminder for me tonight!

  5. Love love this and everything the lord taught you and everyone on this trip. Can’t wait to see what 9 months does to us!!

  6. Emily, so inspiring ??. May God continue to speak to your very receptive heart and bless the world through you!

  7. Emily—I see this form didn’t like the heart emoji in my previous post I used and instead inserted question marks!! Just wanted you to know that that was supposed to be a loving heart for you!

  8. I love this! Its a great reminder for me and your words on this are so wise! I cant wait to spend 9 months with ya:)

  9. Man oh man Emily are you on to something. so proud of you and so glad I get to do this by your side.

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